


Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change

by aquaseafoamshamex



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season 3 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 04:24:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquaseafoamshamex/pseuds/aquaseafoamshamex
Summary: **Season 3 Episode 3 Spoilers**An unexpected diagnosis leads to devastating heartbreak. Tasked with delivering the news to Mary, Gilbert is beside himself and questions his persuit of becoming a doctor. Anne offers him some words of encouragement and support.





	Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change

Not _again_.

His thoughts were tormented with loss of the present and past. Gilbert Blythe had endured much in his young life and that suffering now appeared to have no end in sight.

Dr. Ward had diagnosed Mary with sepsis, a blood infection, with one - maybe two - weeks to live.

This news tore open the floodgate to all his suppressed feelings of his lost family and agonizing loneliness washed over him.

Why was it that when he finally felt a sense of some peace, of love, and family it again had to be stolen away from him.

Stolen away from Bash.

Bash..

Gilbert hesitantly looked up to observe his face and was overcome with pain at the sight of the teary but hardened eyes that refused to meet his.

What words of consolation could Gilbert offer Bash in a situation such as this? Maybe there was no comfort to give, only grief to share.

Bash suddenly turned away down the hall and out the door leaving Gilbert lingering outside Mary's room unprepared for what he had to do.

Gilbert hadn't really considered this part of becoming a doctor. He was intrigued with medicine and absorbed all the information he could about anatomy and pathology.

But this.

Telling someone. A patient. _Mary._ That they were going to die was too much to bear.

He felt responsible. As if somehow taking on this role made him an accessory of death.

No. Gilbert took a deep inhalation of breath and tried to calm himself he was being irrational. He had to find the strength.

Mary deserved so much more than this but she didn't even know yet..

Realizing there was no amount of preparation to be done that would make this any easier, Gilbert reached down to grasp the doorknob and stepped into the room.

***

"Think I'll walk" Gilbert mumbled, with a distant expression in his eyes.

"May I join you?" Anne replied softly.

Gilbert was surprised but contained the feeling from reaching his face and instead briefly glanced at the ground.

He considered her offer for a moment.

In truth he had intended to be alone with his thoughts and didn't have the energy to argue with Anne. Their conversations often turned into disagreements and there was no time for that. Not now.

But he was also intrigued. Anne had made it quite clear that she didn't need or frankly enjoy his company so why did she request it now?

His curiosity won as he looked up at her, "Suit yourself."

She hopped down from the carriage and circled around behind him.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. 

Gilbert was too preoccupied to notice the quiet between them, his mind was quite the opposite.

He was distraught replaying the earlier scene with Mary over and over.

There must have been something he could have said. Anything would be better than him breaking down in tears in front of the woman about to die.

How foolish of him. He considered what Dr. Ward's approach would have been like. In years of practicing he must have perfected the soothing words to calm those in critical illness.

Maybe he wasn't cut out for this.. Maybe everything he thought about his future was just a childish dream. He couldn't even handle needles without fainting!

Frustration and a sense of failure weighed on Gilbert.

"I can't fathom it" Anne suddenly spoke, lifting Gilbert from his internal thoughts.

"I don't think I can be a doctor" he started to express the silent war he had been fighting with himself since they left Green Gables.

"Doctors are supposed to.. I was.. I had to tell her but I.." 

"Gilbert.." Anne started.

"No, don't.." Gilbert raised his hand dismissively. She didn't understand how gravely he had failed Mary. "I'm not the one dying, I'm not the one who's losing everything.. I'm just.."

"A friend" exclaimed Anne, "who delivered the most terrible news to someone they love."

"Mary needed me to be strong.. I just made it worse.. I couldn't find the words and I made it worse." Gilbert pronounced, believing it to be true.

"Would she have been consoled by some dispassionate delivery?!" exclaimed Anne running towards him.

She reached for his arm and he turned around to face her.

Anne's large blue eyes were staring up at him with sincerity as she spoke, "I hope you never have to do something like that again, but I don't think you'll be able to avoid it."

Baffled, Gilbert looked at her as she continued, "People will come to you Gilbert and they will bring their children and everyone they hold dear to see a doctor who cares just as much as they do."

"You will be a wonderful doctor." Anne said with a softness in her expression that radiated through her eyes, "Caring deeply will always be the right thing." 

Gilbert let Anne's words absorb while he stood completely stunned as she exhaled and walked past him.

He finally turned and gazed after her, mesmorized by what she said.

Anne believed in him.

***

Gilbert was still deep in thought when he suddenly looked up, realizing they had made it to their destination and he abruptly stopped.

A tidal wave of emotion struck Gilbert at the sight of it all. He was looking at a house of death and tragedy, _his_ house. 

The fates of his siblings, his parents, and Mary consumed his mind. 

Bash and Mary were supposed to live long, fulfilling, and happy lives here. Instead they are cursed like every other family member, all destined to leave him.

But now it wasn't just Gilbert left behind but Bash too? And baby Delphine!

Gilbert was overcome by the intensity and agony he felt as he let out a quiet sob.

He tried to breathe evenly but it was no use and another whimper escaped him.

Suddenly blue and red flashed before him. He couldn't comprehend what was happening until he felt the warmth of gentle arms draped around his shoulders.

Gilbert stood frozen, in complete bewilderment. Anne? Was hugging him? She cared about him after all?

Holding his breath and closing his eyes, Gilbert slowly reached up his arms and tightly wrapped them around her.

He immediately felt relief to let go of all that was trapped inside him and sighed while pulling her closer to him. 

Gilbert clutched Anne with such desperation as he cried into her.

And as suddenly as it began, Anne began to pull away.

She gazed somberly at his tear stained face and their eyes met.

Gilbert tried to express through his stare how much that had truly meant to him, especially coming from her.

He knew the right words were escaping him today so he didn't attempt speaking what he felt.

Gilbert kept his eyes upon Anne's face after she turned away, admiring what she had done for him, still in awe.

Begrudgingly he turned away from her and they both headed toward the house with a mutual feeling of compassion for eachother in this time of devastating sadness.


End file.
